some things are better left unsaid.

OOC – Well, its been a while. I’ve been sick and cheerleading, dance, debate and orchestra have taken up most of my free time. Because of that, this chapter is going to be a lot longer than it usually will be. One last note – my really good friend Gee will be reading this. Hello, Gee! Three final words.

 

ALL. HAIL. TRENT!

 

It’s an inside joke, everyone. It’s better off if you don’t ask. (:

 

When Blood & Youth Were Warmer

Chapter Five

 

Pete sighed and lowered his head to place his sunglasses over his eyes, and afterwards he stuffed his hands into the pocket of his black Skeleton Crew hoodie. It was the day after the funeral, and it was nearing six in the afternoon. Everyone had pretty much been silent today except for Darren trying to persuade Greta to eat something, which she refused to and then stormed out of the house and had run off somewhere to get her mind straight for a few hours. He had thought of going after his friend, but then decided that she would probably want to be alone for a few hours to clear her mind… and being her good friend, he would allow her that.

 

As he walked into a large venue area, surrounded by teenagers dancing and singing along to a band that was performing, he ducked in-between them towards the backstage area. Music flooded his ears, and he felt more at home now than he had since arriving back in Chicago. William was still mad at him and wouldn’t speak to him, and everyone else had been… well… not the same. However, after looking into a few things online as soon as he got computer access after the funeral, he spotted that a few of his friends were performing tomorrow. That’s when he decided he was going to go see them – it would help him get everything off of his mind, hopefully. That’s just what he needed for now.

 

Flashing the security guard his backstage pass, he was just entering the area when a scream came from behind him. “Oh my God, it’s Pete Wentz!” With that, he hurried inside the backstage area, trying to ignore the calls of random thirteen year old girls that had started to race over to him. Although he loved his fans, he just couldn’t face them at the moment. He wasn’t sure how long it was going to be till he could face them.

 

It was only moments after walking backstage and taking off his glasses that he heard a confused, surprised voice. He didn’t even need to turn to see who it belonged to, either. “Oh, Lord. Pete? What are you doing here?” He turned around to face a black haired girl staring bewildered at him, as if she were looking at a ghost. He smiled weakly and said in a soft tone, “Well, that’s not the greeting I was looking for when I got back here, but… it’s nice to see you, Alicia.” Alicia Simmons let a weak smile cross her face as she walked over and wrapped her arms around her friend’s neck, giving him a tight hug. He put his arms around her and returned the friendly favor, and she said, “I heard about Jon yesterday… I’m so sorry, Pete.”

 

“It’s ok,” He told her before pulling away, trying to keep the half hearted and warm smile across his face. “By chance do you know where the others are? I really want to see them… no offense. I mean, it’s great to see you and everything, Alicia, but…”

 

Alicia laughed. “No, don’t, Pete. I fully understand. C’mon,” She took his hand and started leading him to the buses. “They’re all on the bus playing X-Box 360; God help us.” That caused both of them to laugh as they arrived at the buses. “Do you want me to go in and you after?” She asked, and he smiled and nodded. “Sure.” The married woman flashed a grin at her friend and walked onto the bus. Soon there came a squeal of, “Alicia!” and then her laughing. “Mikey!” She replied in the same tone. Frank and Ray were yelling at each other about something that sounded like who got to play against Bob next, and Bob was simply laughing his head off at all of the things happening around him.

 

Pete entered the bus and said, “Frank, Ray, neither of you get to play against Bryar next. I do!” It seemed that no one really noticed that Pete had just climbed onto the bus except for Frank moaning, “But Ray told me I could!” After a moment, his eyes flashed from the TV to Pete. “Pete?” He asked, bewildered. At that, everyone turned their heads to look at the bassist, and Alicia clapped her hands together with a soft laugh. “Surprise!” She shouted, giving a weak grin.

 

Alicia was perched on Mikey’s lap, and the bassist’s arms were around her waist. The married man stared at him and said, “Pete! What’re you doing here?” Frank, at that time, had jumped up from his seat on the floor and launched himself at Pete, saying extremely excitedly, “You’re wearing the hoodie I helped design!” With that, he gave him a hug. Ray and Bob both stood up and gave him pats on the shoulder, and Pete was about to speak, but stopped. “Where’s Gee?” He asked, and Mikey replied, “He’s out grabbing Frank some red bull because Mr. Iero said that he would give Gerard five dollars if he did it.” “I was thirsty, ok?” Frank countered, which caused a laugh from everyone, and a half-hearted one from Pete.

 

“You look tired,” Pete noticed as he looked at Bob, who shrugged and replied that he was tired. “He’s been hanging out with his girlfriend all night doing God only knows that,” Alicia teased the drummer, who’s face went scarlet. “Alicia, I’ve told you a million times – Tracy is not my girlfriend?”

 

“Tracy?” Pete asked, raising an interested eyebrow as he glanced at the only girl on the bus, and she smirked. “Yeah, Tracy Phillips… you remember her, from the Helena video? Well, Gerard went to see her perform at the place she works – Blackout. They got to hang out afterwards and the two went out for coffee at this diner a few doors down from her work. He invited her on tour after he learned that she hadn’t left Beverly Hills in, like… three months and he wanted to give her an excuse to get away from there and have a good reason to miss work… and she’s been spending quite a lot of time hanging out with Mr. Bryar. Frank walked in on them almost getting ready to make out.” She burst into a soft fit of giggles, and Bob defended, “We were talking! We weren’t getting ready to kiss! Jesus!”

 

“So you guys were just talking really closely – like – this close?” Frank leaned over and pressed his nose against Bob’s and grinned as the drummer pushed him away.

 

“We weren’t that close. She was sitting a foot away from me!”

 

“You guys were getting ready to make out and you know it!” Frank yelled with a gleeful look across his face, and then another female voice entered the bus. “Who was getting ready to make out?” Everyone looked towards the door as Tracy made her way on. She was wearing a short, black skirt and a black tank top, which went along quite well to the black and white striped leggings she borrowed from Alicia, her black ballet flats, and her jet black wavy hair that cascaded to her mid-back. Bob went speechless, which caused Frank to fall to the floor laughing. Tracy waited for an answer as Ray then replied, “We were talking about when we were recording The Black Parade and how we hired a stripper for Bryar, and how Frank walked in on them getting ready to make out.”

 

Tracy decided to believe that, and nodded her head with one eyebrow raised as she watched the giggling Frank sprawled out on the floor. “Well, I’m going to take a nap. When the pizza you guys ordered gets here, have someone wake me up.” She grabbed her iPod off the counter and walked back to the bunk area, climbed into her lower bunk and put the curtain down. Even from the living room area, they could hear the very loud sounds of The Sounds blasting from her headphones.

 

Frank laughed as he sat up from his sprawled-out position. “Ray, you lied! Mr. I-Cannot-Tell-A-Lie told a lie! God, forbid!”

 

“Shut up,” Ray murmured with a shrug of his shoulders. “It’s not that big of a deal.”

 

“How’s Ashlee?” Alicia asked, tilting her head, and Pete smiled at the sound of his girlfriend’s name. “She’s doing wonderful. She wanted to make it to Chicago for the funeral, but her Dad was being a dick and wouldn’t let her take off time from making her CD… so she’s coming into town in a few days.” He sighed as the funeral happened to slip out of his mouth.

 

“We heard about Jon,” Bob said as he took a seat next to Mikey and Alicia, deciding to get off the topic of Tracy for the time being. “There was a story about it on Perez Hilton and Ray discovered it last night while reading his daily dose of gossip.” Ray blushed furiously and said, “I don’t read Perez Hilton all the time, guys. Krista didn’t have computer access and wanted me to check what was happening, alright?”

 

“We’re really sorry,” Mikey said, reaching over and patting Pete on the shoulder as he took a seat next to Mikey and his wife. “We know that you and Jon were really good friends… and we had actually planned on coming buy your house with Taking Back Sunday after we both got done performing… we wanted to make sure that you were alright.”

 

“I’m fine,” Pete said with a shrug. “I’m not doing wonderful, but I’m surviving… its Panic! At the Disco that I’m really worrying about…. All three of them and Greta.”

 

“Greta?” Bob’s head perked up slightly as Pete mentioned the nineteen year olds name. He had met her once when he had stopped by to see Fall Out Boy on the Black Clouds and Underdogs tour in Las Vegas, as she had been hanging out with Fall Out Boy on their bus as she played Dance Dance Revolution with Joe. “You mean the chick from The Hush Sound?” Frank asked, tilting his head slightly. “Why would you be worrying about her?”

 

Pete took a deep breath. He wasn’t sure what all had happened that night, but he would tell them everything that he knew. It was only fair – they were good friends. “Jon and Spencer got into a fight, and Jon stormed off the tour bus right as Greta and William from The Academy Is… were coming for the after-performance party. Greta went after Jon and Will stayed with the rest of the band. The next thing we knew, it was three hours later and Patrick was about to head out with her band mates and she called us sobbing into the phone… and then a doctor took it from her and said we needed to come to the hospital.” He looked up to see everyone’s shocked glances.

 

“She told Patrick when they were flying back to Chicago that she and Jon had been crossing the street and the car hit both of them. She survived with a broken arm and cracked ribs and bruises and stitches all over her body… but those will heal. Emotionally, I’m not sure if she’s ever going to be the same… the paramedics told the doctors that when they got there, she was over Jon’s body, shaking him with her unbroken arm and screaming for him to wake up and not to do this to her. They couldn’t get her away from his body for a good five minutes once they got there because she was refusing to go with them.” Pete watched everyone’s faces have a blank look across it. None of them knew what to say, and Pete knew that. “She still has nightmares about it every night,” The bassist then said. “I don’t expect them to stop for a very long time.”

 

Everyone was silent. They didn’t know what to say. For the next thirty three seconds, no one said anything. Soon, the door was thrown open and a Red Bull flew through the air. Squealing, Frank jumped up and grabbed it before racing back to the bunk area to drink his Red Bull in peace. Gerard skipped onto the bus and glanced at everyone’s unmoving figures, and he raised an eyebrow. “What are you guys being so quiet for? Is there something on my face…?” He started, but then saw Pete. His eyes widened and his jaw dropped slightly.

 

“Hey, Gerard,” Pete mumbled weakly, smiling at his friend. He soon got up, and the older singer threw his arms around the bass player. “Hey,” Gerard greeted him back. “How’re you holding up, bud? I tried to call you yesterday.”

 

“I’m alright. I could be better, but I definitely could be worse,” Pete shrugged slightly and pulled away from the hug. “You probably were the one that called when I was at the funeral. I left my phone at home and I didn’t call back because I didn’t recognize the number. You got a new phone, I’m guessing?”

 

Gerard nodded. “Yeah,” He said, letting out a sigh. They were silent, before Gerard said. “Let’s get out of here for a few minutes, Pete… Let’s go on a walk. We have a lot to talk about.”

 

“A lot,” Pete said with a half-hearted chuckle as the singer and the bass player made their way off of the bus, Gerard’s arm finding itself over Pete’s shoulders as she two made their way towards the set of the band performing at that moment. “That’s the understatement of the year.”

 

Boy, was it.

 

“Hey, beautiful,” Brendon said as he sat down next to Greta. For the past hour, he had been looking for her – he had searched the house, Darren’s house which was about three doors down from hers, both backyards, in both of the garages, and then finally it hit him. Darren had told him that there was a park nearby that Greta loved going to whenever she had time, so Mr. Urie had decided that was where he would look next. It was a two minute walk from the houses, and it seemed perfect… lots of trees, not a lot of people, and lots of flowers. The male singer smiled weakly and glanced over at the girl at his side, who wasn’t looking at him. She simply had her fingers interlocked with her other fingers, her knees pulled up to her chest, and her chin resting on top of her knees. “You want me to leave you alone?” He asked, and he watched her shake her head. “No thanks,” She told him as she sat up straight, and then leaned again the tree behind them.

 

They were silent once more. Brendon then looked down at his feet and told her, “Please don’t blame yourself for Jon, Greta. He wouldn’t want you to be blaming yourself for his death.”

 

“If only I had kept him in Toys ‘R Us for just… five more minutes,” Greta whispered, interrupting whatever Brendon was going to say. “He asked if we could go on the Ferris wheel one more time, and I told him that we needed to get to the bus and that you guys would be worrying about us if we didn’t. If only we had gone on the Ferris wheel one more time… then none of this would have happened. We’d be in…” She glanced down at her phone to see the date. “Tucson, Arizona, and we’d all probably be eating pizza and running around the venue like we always did before we performed.” Her voice was getting choked, but that didn’t stop her.

 

“I can’t stop thinking about it,” She told Brendon. “I feel so guilty because of it. If we had only stayed in that store for a few more seconds, none of this would have happened… but I was so insistent on going back to the buses… and now, your band mate and our friend is dead.”

 

The two were silent. Greta leaned over and placed her head gently on Brendon’s shoulder, and Brendon draped an arm around her waist. The two sat in that position for a few minutes before Brendon whispered almost inaudibly, “What was the last thing that Jon said, Greta?”

 

Greta looked up at Brendon and noticed the many tears streaking down his face. With her hand wrapped in the white cast, she gently pushed the tears off his face and rested her head back on his shoulder, her arms wrapping around his waist as she tried to remember what the last thing Jon said was. “We were talking about Cassie… and how much he missed her,” She said, taking a deep breath before she continued. “Then we started talking about relationships in general… and he asked me if I liked William.” Brendon glanced down at her, and she nodded her head – she didn’t want to say it out loud. She hadn’t spoken to Beckett since they got into their fight after the funeral.

 

The Chicago native closed her eyes and she continued to speak. “We were holding hands and walking on the sidewalk. We were about three blocks away from the Nokia Theatre when we needed to cross the street. Even though it was red for not walk, there weren’t any cars coming, so we started to cross. Jon stopped me in the middle of the street and said “Thank you for everything”, and then I told him it was no problem… and then I saw the headlights flashing in his eyes and then the car hit us.” She lowered her head and the tears started coming once more.

 

She glanced up at Brendon to see that the tears were also running down his face, too. “I’m sorry, Brendon. I-I shouldn’t have told you all of that this soon,” She whispered and started to pull away, but Brendon kept his hand on her waist and pulled her closer. “No…” He said softly. “I needed to know that. I couldn’t go on for another day if I hadn’t known what he said.” Out of everyone in the band, Greta had known that Jon and Brendon had been two peas in a pod. Most people only saw Brendon as being best friends with Ryan… and although the two were good friends, they hadn’t been like Brendon and Jon. No one would ever be like how Brendon Urie and Jon Walker had been.

 

“So what’s everyone else up to?” Greta asked, closing her eyes as she felt Brendon’s head rest on the top of her own. “I know Pete ran off to Projekt Revolution to see My Chemical Romance and Darren is off with his girlfriend… but where’s everyone else?”

 

“Mike, Michael and Adam are all off grabbing something to eat a few minutes before I left,” Brendon murmured, taking a deep breath as he tried to think of where everyone was. “William is hanging out with Ryan this afternoon – they decided to go talk to Jon’s mom for a few hours. Spencer… I think he’s with Andy and Joe for the day. Patrick is working on some stuff in his room. I’m here with you, of course.” He chuckled at his lame attempt of a joke. “Bob and Chris are taking some time off and going to get their monthly pedicures.” He felt Greta’s slight shake of the shoulders and he grinned weakly. “C’mon, Greta, of course you knew that they got pedicures; don’t hide it.”

 

Greta smiled and opened her eyes. For the first time since Jon had died, she felt happy. Being with Brendon – the man who was the closest thing to an older brother besides Garrett – always made her happy. But there was one other person that made her experience that same happiness, but he wasn’t there right now. She didn’t want to see him for a while. She knew she wasn’t in love with Brendon… he was just a good friend. With Will, though… she’d had these feelings of happiness and that he wouldn’t care of whatever she did since they toured in the UK with his band and Fall Out Boy right after she had graduated high school.

 

“Where’s The Butcher?” The nineteen year old then asked, and Brendon shrugged his shoulders slightly.

 

“He was heading to the airport a few hours ago. He said there was something he needed to do.” Brendon replied. “For now, let’s just sit here, alright? Let’s not say anything. Let’s just… sit.”

 

That’s exactly what they did. Sure, people passed them as they sat under that tree, but neither of them cared at all. They just needed some quiet from all of the drama – and that’s exactly what they got.

 

The Butcher, in mean time, had other plans.

 

Sure, one of his best friend’s was dead… but wasn’t that the same best friend who told him to go after what he wanted? The Butcher knew that’s what Jon would have wanted him to do, even in this type of occasion where it felt the world was turned against you. He knew Jon would have been disappointed if he hadn’t gone after what he wanted. Take for example when Jon was filming TAI TV. He had sat down when the drummer was having a fight with his girlfriend, and took him by the shoulders and told him, “If you like her, go after her. If you don’t, then leave it and let it be.”

 

There was no way he was going to let this be. Not now.

 

He sat in the back of a taxi, fingering a key that Mrs. Walker had given him before he left. She had told him Jon left it in his will for Andy – with no letter or anything of what its purpose was or what it was suppose to open. The drummer was sure he’d just have to figure that out himself. He would do that… as soon as he got home. Now there was something else on his mind. He placed it in his pocket and glanced out the window at the familiar surroundings.

 

“Here, keep the change,” He told the cab driver as he got out of the back of the cab to face the white building that the bus had swerved into the parking lot only a week before. He had called earlier and asked when Nicky got off work, and he was told at five. So, he ran to the nearest store, grabbed a few flowers, and then got a new cab and made his way to the hospital. So there he was, walking across the street towards the hospital.

 

As he entered, he glanced around for any sight of the nurse. He went up to the desk and coughed slightly before leaning down and asking softly, “Hey there, I’m looking for a Ms. Nicky Shindler. Do you know where I could find her?”

 

“She’s in the nurse’s lounge with someone,” The girl said, glancing up and smiling as she saw the flowers. “Are you her boyfriend or something?” She teased. The drummer laughed and said, “Who knows? Maybe I will be.” With that, he gave a wave and was about to head off… but then stopped and turned to look back at her. “Where would the nurse’s lounge be?” He asked sheepishly, and the girl laughed. “Go down the hallway and it’s the door to the left of the elevator,” She told him, and he nodded and made his way down the hall.

 

The door was open when he got there. He grinned and peered in to look for the nurse, and spotted her sitting at a table. Across from her sat a male figure and they were reaching over the table and holding onto each other’s hands. There was a smile across each of their faces, and they looked so happy… The Butcher felt like something dropped into his stomach. He was about to back away when the male spotted him. “Hey Nicky,” He said. “There’s a guy in the doorway.”

 

Nicky turned just as Andy was leaving. Her eyes widened and she jumped from the table, racing after him. “Andy?” She called as she ran into the hallway, watching his leaving figure. “Andy, what’re you doing here?” She asked as she took off in a jog after him. She soon reached him and jumped in front of him, taking him by the shoulders… just as Jon had done during their conversation on the bus.

 

“I thought you were in Chicago,” She said breathlessly. The one thing he noticed was she still had the Clandestine bat around her neck, and her clear nose ring was still in. She had her hair in a ponytail and the same color eyes were shining. She was wearing no make up – and the drummer knew how hard it was for some girls to do that. “I was, but I came back for a few days…” He said quietly. “Look, I’ll leave you and whoever that was alone,” He tried to pull away, but she kept her grip. A grin spread across her face. “Lord, Andy,” She said, trying not to laugh. “You think that’s my boyfriend, don’t you?”

 

“You guys were holding hands,” Andy said quietly. “That’s enough clues for me.” Nicky, at that point, couldn’t help but laugh. “Andy, that’s my brother,” She told him. “He’s in town from Beverly Hills for the week and he came to say hello before he goes out to dinner with his fiancée.” She paused. “You want proof that he’s my brother?” Before Andy could speak, she continued. “His name is Clark Shindler. He’s thirty years old and he’s a choreographer and resides in Beverly Hills. He’s engaged to a twenty seven year old girl in New York City, who’s a dancer here, named Georgia Kingston. They met during one of Ryan’s classes two years back.” She grinned, still trying to stop herself from laughing. Andy, however, was now insanely blushing.

 

“Now I feel really stupid,” He told her, causing her to laugh again as she wrapped her arms around his neck as she gave him a hug.

 

“Don’t be,” She told him after the hug and as she pulled away. Andy glanced down at the dozen lilies he had picked up at the market and handed them to her. “I, um… I got these for you,” He murmured, shuffling his feet as she grinned and took the flowers. “You’re such a romantic,” She teased, before leaning forward and kissing his cheek. He felt like he was about to fall over at that point. “How long are you in town?” She asked, tilting her head as she waited for the rock star to respond. “Four days,” He told her, and she smiled. “That’s plenty of time for us to hang out, then.”

 

“C’mon,” The nurse said, taking his hand. “I want you to meet Clark. After that, we’re going out for Thai food – no exceptions.”

 

Andy smiled as she took him back to meet her brother. Things were actually going pretty well. Hopefully it would stay like this.

 

“You can’t be serious, Mrs. Walker,” William said, his eyes widened as he looked down at the sheet of paper. Jon’s mother sighed and shook her head. “He left that for you in his will. He wanted you to have it, so I’m respecting his wishes. Now, if you excuse me, I’m going to go see if Ryan is alright.” Ryan had gone up to Jon’s room about ten minutes before, and even two stories down; they could hear his growing sobs. She started to walk up the stairs, and William took a seat on a nearby chair as he stared at the paper.

 

Jon had left Will his apartment at Regents Park – a very homey and expensive luxury apartment building in downtown Chicago. Not only that, but he left it for him to share with one person.

 

Greta.